I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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