So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
