hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
