Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
