someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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