i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Come see our sink grown plant.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
