Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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