I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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