Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
