Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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