he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
