Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
