hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
