im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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