Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
