FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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