man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drunk is not a location!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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