At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
