he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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