Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
