Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
