Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
