Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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