How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
