so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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