The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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