i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
