there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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