Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
