based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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