Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
