Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
