What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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