yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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