look no pants
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he fucked my hip out of place.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
