they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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