if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
