I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
