We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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