fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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