its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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