he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
