Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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