So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
