fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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