He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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