Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
