it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
