The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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