chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
