my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
