I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
